I never said it out loud.
That if I could,
I would bear it all for you.
In this lifetime or the hereafter,
I would give up everything for you.
Because we’ve been tied by blood,
Or do they call it fate?
But there’s something sickening about you,
That I can’t help but hate.
The sickness that lives in me too,
Was that also written in fate?
I once tried to fold 1000 paper cranes for you
But the cranes remained,
As you eventually left.
So when I found the cranes
Almost a decade later,
I bursted into tears
And wondered if somewhere –
Somewhere beyond us all,
You will suddenly remember me now and again too,
Just like so?
I can’t turn back time to that morning,
As I looked down into my cup.
I can’t turn back to that moment
As I watched your leaving back
And how I wanted to call you back.
But if I had the chance,
I would have done the same
Because such is the fate,
When gone was the flame.
I am angry,
For they’ve taken more and more
And more and more,
Than they could ever give back.
So they can’t blame me for retaliating,
When all I wanted was fairness.
But they’ll spin their stories and make me the villain,
Trying to appease me with the cage they call freedom.
I’m not sure why suddenly
I’m remembering all the promises you made,
And then broke.
How many years did I torment myself
Thinking it was because I wasn’t enough for you.
Nothing was ever enough for you.
Because even you,
Wasn’t enough for you.
What is connection,
But a moment of entanglement.
Everything is connected,
Whether it is time or energy.
So I imagine when we meet,
It’ll be inevitable and unavoidable.
These are the consequences
Of the paths that you and I have chosen.
For the threads to interweave,
I saw so many white feathers today,
Stretched against the green grass.
The birds must have moulted,
Thrusted into this world,
Without a choice
Do they ever think of themselves as liabilities
Just as I have done?
I think of going home one day
Though I belong neither here nor there.
I think I’ve been running enough,
And my feet have tired.
(Or maybe it’s my heart).
I think of going home
And then finally facing the “me”
I’ve been desperately trying to hide.
But I can’t help but wonder
If they will open their arms wide.
Sometimes I wish my mind could quieten
The sounds and thoughts that I can’t escape.
Or that I couldn’t feel,
As much as I truly felt.
There’s no reward for an emotional display,
Or so I’ve been told.
But if the only reason you dislike it,
Is because it makes you uncomfortable
Then I hope you feel even more,
And more, and more, and more,
I watched the sun rise this morning,
As the rays pierced through the curtains.
The birds are singing,
But I can’t bear to look at it.
Because inside, I’m too dark
For something so full of light.
So later when I saw the pink against my wall,
And realised the sun was setting,
It’s as though I was being reminded
That even darkness deserves light,
And we deserve second chances.