I hate lying
But I hate it even more
When you give me no choice
But to lie.
I’m lying to keep your truth
Whilst denying my own truth.
I once waited for an apology
But now I don’t need your sorry.
I can’t even return to the naive me
To pretend to believe your sob story.
Why don’t you save your acting,
For someone who still worries?
Sometimes I miss you so much.
I wish I had more time to hold you.
I wish I could have been there in your last moments,
Just like the first.
I’ve never been good at remembering the past.
I mean, why would I remember the things that didn’t last?
And I’ve tormented and been tormented,
Been played and have played,
Just for you to say words that cut me like a blade.
But for all that I have lost,
I somehow have also gained.
The lessons that I have learnt,
Were all learnt through pain.
Trying to find my way,
In this darkness
‘Cause I was too stupid and lost,
In processing my loss.
I miss the taste of your coffee,
Even when it is burnt or when it is sour.
And even now when I make it –
Exactly the same as you did –
Why doesn’t it taste the same?
We fight so aimlessly.
There’s no rhyme or rhythm,
But there’s always a purpose.
I used to write to you,
I was even a fool for you.
But hearts are so fragile,
And some feelings were never worthwhile.
I once thought it was kindness,
Not too choose –
Or not to speak.
But perhaps it was the cruellest thing,
I could have ever done.
Because not choosing,
Was a choice in itself.
I’m no different on the inside.
I’ve just been shedding my outer skin,
And the hypocrisy and contradictory
Love, that used to lie within.
I love that look on your face,
Because you can’t stand that I now have boundaries in place.
And so you can’t push me around,
As you used to so easily now.
How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine now?
Maybe you thought it was kindness,
But it was pure pain –
I’d rather you stabbed me in the front
Then hiding in the dark and hurting me in the back.
You could have at least watched me bleed
And ooze the blood you drew.
That I once thought I could save you.